I sometimes watch the soap opera All My Children and they started a storyline that sort of bothers me. When you watch soap operas you always know the two people that they’re trying to put together as a couple and for some reason, the older woman with a younger man as a potentially serious couple bothers me a little. However, what really bothers me is the fact that it bothers me at all. Why shouldn’t a fifty year old woman be with a thirty year old man? Why does it seem that the reverse (50yr old man w/30 year old woman) is more acceptable in our society?
I thought about this and talked it over with a couple of people. Maybe I’ve been indoctrinated with he double standard society has for men and women. For instance, when we age, the woman gets old and the man gets distinguished. His grey hair intertwines with his normal color creating a salt and pepper effect that has the look of sophistication. Her grey hair, not matter how little, creates an old effect that has the look of grandma.
Older woman are categorized in these cases as someone old enough to be his mother and… well, nothing – just old enough to be his mother. Somehow a woman stops being a sexual being once she reaches a certain age. The media and Hollywood makes sure that the term “hot” can be applied equally to men and women save for one little difference- women must be young. Once she becomes a mother figure (age) that’s it. She’s no longer a woman. That’s very different from how we see men.
We think of men as the father figure who is the protector and who is capable (and expected) to take care of the woman. He’s someone who is providing his younger love interest security and who has established financial stability. If we apply the same standard to the older woman as we do to men in general, then she would be the one taking care of her younger love interest. Automatically, it must be sex for hire. (She got herself a gigolo!) If he’s established and providing the stability in the relationship, that still doesn’t seem to make sense. (Oedipus anyone?) What if they are just two self sufficient people who’ve found each other and fell in love? (still weird).
Now to be fair, if there’s money involved, both men and women, older and younger have been accused of using each other. Interestingly enough, that’s understandable. However, the bottom line is I would like to shake this ridiculous double standard that I have unwittingly carried with me. I mean, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? On this same soap opera, older men have been with much younger women for years and for some reason, this didn’t freak me out so much. I can’t put my finger on exactly why I have the double standard but the reasons I’ve mentioned may have merit. It just troubles me. It troubles me greatly.