Tyler Perry has a movie out now called I Can Do Bad All By Myself.  I honestly don’t know what it’s about as I’m not familiar with this story; however I am familiar with the saying. You see, my mother said if for as far back as I can remember. It was her philosophy for women in relationships and it’s something she instilled in me whether she wanted to or not.

It is based on the principle that “your man” is supposed to build you up emotionally, mentally and financially - not tear you down. He’s supposed to support you so that your status rises as opposed to his slowly chipping away at what you have already accomplished on your own. If you find yourself struggling with him and because of him, then you have to apply this philosophy of life to your life and ask yourself – “If I can do bad all by myself, what do I need him for?”

To be honest, I wish women (especially young women) would start thinking in these terms. Here are a few other rules of the game that unmarried women need to adhere to more often:

Lending money: This is a big “no-no” in general as lending money has caused quite a bit of distress between friends. However, helping a friend is still an honorable thing to do- within reason. If you are constantly lending money to your boyfriend then there’s a strong possibility you will soon be in the position of bill collector. Close your purse before this happens. Also, there shouldn’t be more than one loan out to him at a time. If he hasn’t paid loan one back, then loan two should be out of the question.

Money rules - There should be no lending of monies to new boyfriends (up to 6 months) or when you can’t afford it. If it’s your rent money, money that you need back right away or if you’re taking out an official loan or cash advance, then don’t lend it. Always think about getting a written contract, especially for large amounts, so that the repayment agreement is clear. An agreement will also make a handy court document if you decide to sue.

Moving In -   When the decision is made, the romantic side of you may be giddy with excitement but your practical side should be thinking about the details of the arrangement. Even though you might live happily ever after, you might not, so be prepared. Make sure the financial arrangement works for you and keep the furniture purchases separate to clarify ownership. Also, think long and hard about putting your name on the lease.

If he is your landlord (only his name on the lease or mortgage) he can ask you to leave whenever he wants. (You may legally be entitled to a 30 day notice). Also, any “sweat equity” you put into a home he owns, is his forever.

If both names are on the lease, you both have equal rights (you can’t make him leave) and equal responsibility (legal obligations from a break up can land you in court).

If it’s just your name make sure you can pay the rent/mortgage without his help, so get an affordable place. Have a backup plan such as money saved to tide you over while you get a trusted renter to move in and help with the bills.

The Common Sense Factor – Ladies you have it, so use it! There is not a woman in this world who cannot accurately diagnosis the behavior of someone else’s boyfriend or husband and provide a simple remedy. We can give great advice to our girlfriend’s relationship issues, using the analytical powers of a renowned psychiatrist, but we refused to do the same in our own situations. Why? Because we prefer to think and react out of emotion rather than logic when it comes to making the right decisions for our own relationships. It’s easier to keep blinders on and repeat the “He really loves me” statement while ignoring the equally important “He really respects me” statement. We don’t want to use our common sense to solve relationships problems because more often than not, using the common sense factor will result in a break up.

Priorities – If a man is not taking care of his own kids, you should be concerned about his character. He’s not just a bad father but he is also irresponsible and probably a man with selfish tendencies. He has not learned to appreciate the people in his life or learned about the give and take of successful relationships. Also, integrity may be a foreign concept (he’s not taking care of his kids!) Don’t be surprised if he expects you to support him in all of his endeavors but he is not willing or able to support yours. With or without kids involved, if he can’t or won’t make your needs as important as his, then having a satisfying relationship with him will be difficult, if not impossible. Of course, if that’s the case, your next thought should be:  I can do bad all by myself.  

My Juice Plus+ usage has not gone well so far. However, I don’t know if these pills are really to blame. You see, I haven’t been in my normal mode of behavior as my eating habits, sleep patterns and stress levels have been all over the place.

I had the impression that the pills would have a cleansing effect on me (my rep told me some of her customers had this) but they had the opposite effect. I became bloated and constipated which felt a little like when I took the Acai. I was also expecting a reaction to all the antioxidants that are supposed to be in this product. For me when toxins are removed from my body, I get “sick” for about 3 or 4 days. It’s a little like a head cold with a running nose but I don’t really feel bad and before I know it’s over. This may not be everybody’s reaction, but it’s happened to me enough (deep tissue massages, extra potent vitamins) to make the connection.

However, my real unhappiness came with my weight gain. I will tell you that I was NOT HAPPY.  If I’m going to gain weight it better be because of chocolate cake and cheesy fries and not because of 4 tasteless pills a day. Another weird thing (and weight gain thing) that happened was that I began to long for carbs – the bad carbs- the junk food carbs. Maybe I should correct that previous statement. I began to long for and eat carbs- the bad carbs- the junk food carbs. In a short period of time it was going downhill fast. I had nothing positive to report. HOWEVER…

…I also want to be fair so I have to take note that I’ve had quite a summer. Real weight gain (fat -not water weight) shows up about two months after the eating party starts. It takes about 500 extra calories per day to equal a one pound weight gain in a week (ie 3500 cal = one lb). I know that if I indulged a bit for a few weeks, it wouldn’t be unusual to see a few real pounds show up later. These “summer pounds” just happen to coincide with the beginnings of my JP+ regimen and the bloating.

So, what I’ve done to make sure my evaluation is absolutely fair, I stopped taking the pills and did a healthy cleanse and started back to my normal routine. I have now started back on JP+ with a clear conscience.

I will be meeting with another JP+ rep to talk about the business practices next week. I’ll find out the earning potential and the way the business operates from the inside. I will say that my initial reaction to the business (from the little that I know) is really positive. The money investment is very little and you do see a return even if you only get a few customers. Also, this business seems to stress customer care, rather than bringing a bunch of people into the business under you. It’s still a MLN (multi-level marketing) company but it seems like it’s all about believing in the product first and foremost. Of course, if I don’t like the product, I certainly won’t sell it or recommend it to anyone else. Time will tell.     

Recently authorities removed an 18 foot long, 30 inches around, 400+ pounds python from the backyard of a home in Florida. Now the snake didn’t slither up to someone’s property and scare the heck out of them. No. This was someone’s pet snake that was housed out back in a chain link cage. The giant python was being feed rabbits  - seven rabbits was a common meal.

According to the caretaker the snake is docile (of course she is!), but has escaped its cage before.  With 400 pounds of muscle that doesn’t come as a real surprise. Thank goodness this pet python did not harm anyone like the pet python in a nearby county. That pet killed a two year old little girl.  With the removal of this pet, I know the neighbors are breathing a little easier tonight.      

I read that a woman was found dead in her home along with her husband. They were an elderly couple and while this is sad, the monkey that they found next to her body must be breathing a sigh of relief. The police don’t suspect him of any foul play or…wait for it….(I’m sorry in advance, but I have to say it)…“monkey business”.

Now if you’re like me you’re probably wondering why they had a monkey. Well, they didn’t have a monkey, they had four. Not to mention a multitude of dogs and cats and birds. The home had previously been cited by their city for code violations. At the time of their death, hazmat uniforms had to be used when entering the home.

I sometimes watch the soap opera All My Children and they started a storyline that sort of bothers me. When you watch soap operas you always know the two people that they’re trying to put together as a couple and for some reason, the older woman with a younger man as a potentially serious couple bothers me a little. However, what really bothers me is the fact that it bothers me at all. Why shouldn’t a fifty year old woman be with a thirty year old man? Why does it seem that the reverse (50yr old man w/30 year old woman) is more acceptable in our society?

I thought about this and talked it over with a couple of people. Maybe I’ve been indoctrinated with he double standard society has for men and women. For instance, when we age, the woman gets old and the man gets distinguished. His grey hair intertwines with his normal color creating a salt and pepper effect that has the look of sophistication. Her grey hair, not matter how little, creates an old effect that has the look of grandma.

Older woman are categorized in these cases as someone old enough to be his mother and… well, nothing – just old enough to be his mother. Somehow a woman stops being a sexual being once she reaches a certain age. The media and Hollywood makes sure that the term “hot” can be applied equally to men and women save for one little difference- women must be young. Once she becomes a mother figure (age) that’s it. She’s no longer a woman. That’s very different from how we see men. 

We think of men as the father figure who is the protector and who is capable (and expected) to take care of the woman. He’s someone who is providing his younger love interest security and who has established financial stability. If we apply the same standard to the older woman as we do to men in general, then she would be the one taking care of her younger love interest. Automatically, it must be sex for hire. (She got herself a gigolo!) If he’s established and providing the stability in the relationship, that still doesn’t seem to make sense. (Oedipus anyone?) What if they are just two self sufficient people who’ve found each other and fell in love? (still weird). 

Now to be fair, if there’s money involved, both men and women, older and younger have been accused of using each other. Interestingly enough, that’s understandable. However, the bottom line is I would like to shake this ridiculous double standard that I have unwittingly carried with me. I mean, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, right? On this same soap opera, older men have been with much younger women for years and for some reason, this didn’t freak me out so much. I can’t put my finger on exactly why I have the double standard but the reasons I’ve mentioned may have merit. It just troubles me. It troubles me greatly.

I received my Juice Plus+   and it came in only three days which was a surprise ( I was told it would take about 7 days). So officially this is my first day. They send you a four month supply but bill you (auto debit) monthly. So the first payment is taken at the time of shipment and the next payment is taken in 30 days. When it’s time for the next shipment, it’s your rep’s job to call you and make sure it’s ok to ship out another four months. The good news is that you can cancel at anytime and stop the monthly charges by returning the unopened bottles.  

They do charge you a four month processing fee of $4.00 and the total shipping charges were $7.00. Both charges are incorporated into the monthly billing amount.

Now in my shipment, I also received a free four month supply for my son. So all together that’s 16 bottles – 8 Orchard Blend (fruit) and 8 Garden Blend (vegetables). The dosage is two fruit and two vegetable pills each day.

The free supply is available for a child (age 4-18) or college student (up to age 22) with a paying adult (BOGO- buy one get one free). The catch is you have to participate in their children’s study. They sent a Children’s Health Study enrollment questionnaire which consists of 36 questions. The questions are a mix of basic information (child’s age, weight), the child’s diet, the child’s health (medications, wellness visits), school attendance and extra curricular activities.  I think it’s worth participating in exchange for the free health supplements.

Now I read lots of labels nowadays. (I like to see if I can pronounce the stuff I’m putting in my body) and I was struck by this information on each bottle:

However, one thing that is added is lactobacillus acidophilus which is a “good” bacteria normally found in the intestines and vagina (yes, you read that correctly).  As a dietary supplement, it’s supposed to enhance the immune system. There are other uses for this bacteria when taken orally (it’s used to treat urinary tract infections), however it hasn’t been approved by the FDA as a health supplement. On the other hand, this bacterium is commonly used in dairy products such as yogurt. There may be side effects such as bloating, nausea and stomach discomfort but if you can eat yogurt, you should be okay.

A 60 year old grandfather was convicted Tuesday (8/11/09) of groping Minnie Mouse. Yes, Minnie Mouse or rather a woman in a Minnie Mouse costume at Disney World. She attests that John William Moyer made attempts to grab her breasts. Wow, is nothing sacred?

We enjoy many relationships throughout our lives but one of the most fascinating is that of the siblings. When the relationships are good, they can be the most satisfying connection a child turned adult can have in life. However, when those same relationships are troubled, they can be extremely emotional and painful. Many adults have common difficulties in their sibling relationships and they usually consist of these core issues:  

Parental treatment between siblings during childhood – Often it’s the relationships with the parents that cultivate feelings of jealousy, resentment or inadequacy (compared unfavorably to siblings) between brothers and sisters. (Often the quickest resolution for these issues also starts with the parents.)  

Specific incidents- Many times adult siblings are at odds because of accusations of betrayal based on a singular situation. Many times these matters involve the children or spouse of a sibling and can be deeply dividing.  

Relationship viewpoint - If one sibling defines themselves as the giver and their brother or sister as the taker, it can be difficult to reconcile those feelings into a positive relationship.   

Expectations of the responsible sibling- Many adult siblings feel pressured by the nature of the relationship to constantly help their siblings navigate through their adult lives. The help can come in the form of money (that is never repaid), jobs, providing transportation or a place to stay. The expectations of perpetual help can be a burden but feelings of guilt as well as the criticism they receive when help is not given can be just as burdensome. 

 The exact details for issues in each family changes, but the inability to forgive makes it difficult for relationships to mend. Some siblings think they have forgiven and moved on, but in actuality they’ve only learned to tolerate or effectively ignore the matter.  So how can you tell when you’ve completely forgiven someone? Here are two milestones:  

When the other party can not trigger old emotional responses to old issues 

When you are at peace with the past wrongs, even if the offender has no remorse 

Sometimes it’s more difficult to forgive your siblings or family members because the hurt is deeper. After all, siblings are one of the first, strongest and long lasting relationship bonds formed. However, if you haven’t quite made the leap to true, total and complete forgiveness, don’t beat yourself up. Things can get better! In the meantime, here are a few things to keep in mind about forgiveness:

·           Forgiveness is a process and you might have to forgive them everyday until it finally sticks. Think of it as your emotional shampoo – rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat for as long as it takes.

·           Forgiveness is for yourself not for your family. If you’re only doing it to please others, you’re probably not really forgiving them, but just sweeping issues under the rug.

·           Forgiveness is healthy! Carrying around mental burdens can actually affect you physically.

·           Forgiveness starts with a decision. Once you make the decision stay committed to the process (rinse and repeat!) The forgiveness process doesn’t always start in your heart, but hopefully it will end up there.

   ·           Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean giving in. If you’ve taken a stand (no lending money, no living together) but still want to mend your relationship, don’t automatically alter your position.  A healthy relationship requires healthy decisions!   

Also posted at the Siblings site for BellaOnline the Voice of Women

Here’s my first concern already with Juice Plus +. Will I actually be able to tell if something good is happening? I don’t have a health problem like when I first used Usana vitamins, so how will I know to give it thumbs up or down or sideways for that matter?

Hmmm…I want to be fair but I want to be honest. I know people always report that they have so much energy when starting a new health regimen; however that has never impressed me. I mean, unless you transition from laying on the couch, barely having enough energy to wipe the Cheetos crumbs from your chest to training to run local marathons, I usually completely discount claims of more energy. Besides, I get plenty of energy from chocolate donuts with sprinkles and…uh…I’m pretty sure that’s not something to brag about.

Well, I just have to report what happens. I just hope it’s more than a few bursts of energy.

By the way, the Juice Plus company does not claim to be equal to eating whole foods, just the next best thing.

First the only reason I have shown any interest in this product is because a good, long time friend spoke to me about it. No sales pressure (that’s not her style). She simply shared her own experience with Juice Plus+ after I shared my personal experience with Usana. However, I have looked into this product enough to want to give it a try.

When taking vitamins, our bodies only absorb around 15%. Usana products seem to be highly concentrated and contain amounts greater than the U.S. recommended daily/dietary allowance for vitamins and minerals. (I was actually concerned about this when I first started taking them – especially vitamin A as too much can be toxic.) Consequently, because of quality and quantity, I was probably absorbing higher amounts and benefited. However, I was taking 14 pills a day.

Juice Plus+ is not a vitamin supplement product as we know it. It is basically concentrated whole foods in pill form. Their claim is that they have a process to reduce whole foods to nutrient rich juice, convert it to pill form and still maintain the healthy quality.

Juice Plus + is trying to give the benefits of whole foods, which contains a variety of vitamins and minerals in pill form. While vitamin supplements try to reproduce (often synthetically) specific vitamins and nutrients, usually in pill form. Juice Plus+ requires taking just 4 pills a day for healthy results. 

So far I’ve found the following to be favorable reasons to use Juice Plus+”

Cost – It’s fairly economical

Children’s Program- Right now they have a program that allows children to get their vitamins for three years free. In other words, for each paying adult, a child receives their supply at no extra cost.  The current program is for children ages 4 -18 and full time college students up to age 22. For parents of children who don’t eat enough fruits and vegetables this is extra incentive.

Independent Research – The have been independently researched by multiple universities in different countries. The research was done as double blind placebo clinical studies and the findings supported health benefits to the immune system, cardiovascular wellness and delivering antioxidants to reduce harmful oxidative stress. (Oxidative stress is involved in many diseases, including heart failure. (I haven’t personally read up on the reports, yet).

Most people probably hear terms such as antioxidants and free radicals as it relates to anti-aging products. However, lots of people don’t exactly understand it so here’s a good explanation by Dr Richard E. DuBois (former Chief of Internal Medicine Atlanta Medical Center):

“When you burn a pile of wood, you get smoke. When your body burns fuel, oxidation occurs. You’ve got billions of cells. Each one of those cells gets thousands of oxidative hits every single day. You’ve go to have some antioxidants there to fight that kind of oxidation.”

So in other words, think of what would happen if you created a fire pit in your living room and kept a continuous fire going. The smoke damage that would occur in your home (body) is the oxidation. The floating soot that would find its way to your walls (skin) would be considered the destructive free radicals. So the importance of antioxidants to slow or prevent oxidation is not overstated.

The timing between my last Usana vitamin and my first Juice Plus+ will be at least thirty days. I want to keep up with the Usana Omega 3 product, but for now, I’ve back off of that, too.

Wish me luck!